D e l i r i o u s M u s e

Masquerade

July 27th, 2010

At first it was a joke, just for fun,

Pursuit of the heretofore unpursued,

With virginal naivete it was easy to believe,

Sweet whispered I love you’s in the height of sensuality,

Who is this exotic dream who calls at 2 AM?

First one lie, then another,

Fooling the gullible is the easiest part,

The challenge lies in not believing it yourself,

It’s 1 AM and I’m breaking her heart,

Snowballing fabrications caught hold of our emotions,

Look at the momentum we’ve created,

The easier it became to create another fib,

the harder it became to reveal the truth,

False starts, stops, and intermissions,

Now it’s 2 AM and she’s crying in my ear,

“Don’t cry” she pleads, prompting a wave of tears,

She has been wearing a mask for so long,

“Will you tell me who you really are?”

“You’ll hate me, I swear”

An emotional tug of war.

It’s 3 AM and I’m parked in a Walmart lot,

It’s hard, yet relieving to know now,

Only the truth can set you free,

I wake up in a haze, as if I’m dreaming,

It all takes time to process and reconcile,

It’s 9 AM and the previous night floods back,

“Do you hate me yet?”

“I love you.”

Faces may change,

But emotions are real.

Posted in Love Letters, Poetry

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Prosthetic Womb

June 11th, 2010

Let me inhabit my prosthetic womb,

that i may forget myself in my tomb,

of love i wish i knew not,

I have been scorched by the flame for naught,

let me be deprived of all knowledge,

of things of which i have been deprived,

love, acceptance, affection,

to hell be they damned!

of all let me forget,

so that i may no longer be upset,

let me not partake of knowledge,

the very sight burns my flesh,

It is the knowledge of things i lack,

that causes my demeanor to turn black,

of parents tell me not,

I shudder at memories of battles unfought,

allow me to be sheltered from all thought,

from all worry and false treasure sought,

disengage my neurons make me numb,

of only one sensation may i enjoy,

the feeling of blissful ignorant warmth,

trapped within my prosthetic womb,

enclosed by fires in my living tomb,

consuming my flesh and soul the conflagration purge,

like the phoenix shall the old die,

and from the ashes i emerge from my womb,

Flawless, purified, from the pyre I arise.

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Sound

June 11th, 2010

Words are formulated in the mind,

thoughts pieced together,

to convey meaning,

our throats create noises,

that pieced together become the very words we meant to say,

and convey all meaning, though imperfectly,

some of the meaning lost,

like the energy of the vibrations of the soundwaves,

much like a ripple continues towards infinity,

so are the sounds of words we meant to say,

vibrating unceasingly, though more quietly,

absorbed by the walls, the furniture, and all ears,

all becoming part of the earth, echoing throughout the cosmos,

the sounds of the words we meant to say are partly absorbed by the mouthpiece,

and through electromagnets are converted into electrical signals,

which become the airwaves which in turn become electrical signals and then airwaves once more,

before they reach your phone and are once more converted into the electrical impulses,

the impulses that cause the magnet in your earpiece to vibrate,

and spread throughout your surroundings, in it’s natural form,

and the sound becomes part of your bedroom, and enters your eardrums,

translated into english, and then translated into human,

so that your heart may listen to what your brain hears,

and guard those thoughts, so that they may never be lost.

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I Cried

May 31st, 2010

I admit it, I cried. I cried and sobbed like a little bitch,
I’m bawling loudly, uncontrollably,
Like the worthless scum that I am .

Now my tears and prayers fall mute,
Upon the deaf ears of an absentee summer goddess.

I didn’t deserve you, I was never the ideal man.
I was an idiot for believing in this dream,
For believing you could love a wretch like me.

I flew to close to the beautiful summer sun,
I dared to wish to drink your sweet caresses,
And now I am paying the price.

On the way home, I find it difficult to drive,
I attempt to sing, lyrics coming out little more than tear choked wails,
While tears and scrunched up eyes obscure my field of vision.

The first summer was the most beautiful of all,
When our love was new and optimistic,
When the future was so promising,
And our first vocalizations of love were so innocent and pure.

You were willing to look past my defects,
To see something inside me worth loving,
And discover the strength I never knew I had.

Now I sit here, writing this,
Parked under a solitary street lamp,
Caterwauling like a child with a broken bone,

I imagined your caresses to be so soft,
Your words so sweet and tender,
Your kisses unrivaled even by those of the summer sun.

I have lost you now, for good.
You are leaving me to find your own happiness,
Having no further need for me,
You leave me to suffer the absence of a ghost.

Posted in Love Letters, Poetry

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Worlds

May 17th, 2010

Gazing across the room,

Probing with my eyes,

My eyes meet yours,

Equally filled to the brim,

I see longing, intensity, determination.

I am taken to another place,

another time, another world,

Those eyes looking into mine,

Teasing, Begging, Pleading

Coming up for air,

My lips briefly meet yours,

Lightly brushing your lips,

Before I come back down,

The sound of thunderclaps,

Masking your amorous sighs,

I watch you in the passenger seat,

Speeding past countless street lamps,

Raindrops on the windshield and the moonroof,

Light projecting them on your face,

Bars of speckled light move across your skin,

I kiss your silky light brown skin,

Warm earth tones on cool, silky white sheets,

The crook of your bent knee moving away,

You make room for me,

As you breathfully invite me inside,

Oh that feeling when we meet,

You, sitting at the bar,

Index finger circling glass rim,

Hand pushing your hair out of the way,

Baring and exposing an exquisite neck,

One ankle crossed over the other, dangling,

Expertly siting on that stool,

Your eyes pleaded at me to come,

But I’m not quite ready yet,

I prioritize your pleasure over mine,

You lay before me exposed,

Pillow muffling your cries of pleasure,

Flesh impresses upon flesh,

As from your mouth escapes,

A litany of blasphemous prayers,

In rushed hushed tones,

You and I become deities.

Conversing upon the metaphysical,

Your words take me inside a world I wish to explore,

I watch as new possibilities open,

All it takes is one moment,

Our paradigms shatter into multifaceted shards,

As lips meet in a moist soft revelation,

I feel you pulsate in waves,

It is not long in coming,

And arrives just as I do,

We have come into a new world of our creation.

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So you fell asleep on the phone. read a couple paragraphs, after asking you if you were awake, and prompted you to read.
Except I heard nothing but breathing. Kitty is snoring.
I shouted at you to wake up, nothing. hung up, texted, called.
Nothing.
Sigh.
Sweet dreams Kitty.